It’s hard enough having a family with a serious illness, but juggling work, friends, and loved ones is even harder. Trust me on this. A few years ago, my dad was diagnosed with a rare (and practically untreatable) neurological disorder. I continued working and going out with friends as if nothing had changed, because maintaining my routine kept my mind off that thing that I wasn’t ready to think about…much less talk about.
Still, even the busiest worker bee or social butterfly has to come to terms with reality sometimes. Everyone reacts differently to a family member’s diagnosis, but here are my tips on handling it.
Don’t isolate yourself. I’m not the type to tell everyone about my father’s illness. First, because I once told someone I was dating and he thought the disease was made up. Second, because I don’t want friends or coworkers to ask “How’s your dad?” every time I see them. I told a few close friends, including one whose father also has a serious illness. But I didn’t tell my boss until I announced my decision to freelance full-time (partly to spend more time with the fam). That was my choice, but you might choose to join a support group, blog about your experiences, or talk to your boss about adjusting your schedule. Whatever you do, don’t withdraw from friends and coworkers. You may find that you want to lean on them later on or that one of them is experiencing a similar situation and can offer valuable advice.
See a therapist. If your health insurance covers mental health, then you should definitely take advantage. If it doesn’t, some therapists offer discounted rates to the uninsured. I’ve found it helpful to talk to an outsider who doesn’t have an agenda aside from helping me come to grips with my emotions. The key is finding someone you feel comfortable talking to, so you may have to try out a few therapists to find the right fit. You can use your insurance company’s directory of providers or an online directory like Findatherapist.com.
Savor your time together. I sometimes feel guilty spending the weekend with friends instead of visiting my family. Since my work is portable, I can take my laptop to my parents’ house and spend more time with them. I prefer working from my own apartment, though. As my super-supportive boyfriend points out, you will always feel that there’s something more you could have done, more time you should have spent researching treatments or hanging out with the person. But, in the end, whatever happens is out of your control. Enjoy the time that you can spend with family and don’t feel guilty for the things that you didn’t do or can’t change.
