Death By Bikini
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If you’re the type who buys a new bikini without bothering to try it on (you know, the girl who’s never found herself blinking back tears in a dressing room stall…) then read no further—this article is not for you. This is for those of us who flat-out dread shopping for bathing suits. So if you’d rather pull your fingernails out one by one than suit up, here are a few tips to help get you through it.
Go Early
Don’t wait for an invitation to your friend’s beach house or stall until the Friday before a weekend getaway. Why add the pressure of a time crunch to an already sensitive mission? Go now! If you can, shop in the middle of the day and carve out a couple of hours. Stores will be relatively empty so you can take your time in the dressing room and try on (and on) until you find a winner.
TIP: If you find a color you like, try it in a million more cuts than you’d normally consider. You’d be surprised how often the suit that’s the most flattering isn’t the one you were drawn to initially.
Fake Bake
While this might sound ridiculous, trust me, it works! A little color really does take off ten pounds. Why go the extra mile to look your best for everyone else, but never for yourself (your harshest critic)? The goal is to be able to feel great when you look in that dressing room mirror, so give yourself a little edge. It’s one part self-pampering, one part psychological—but it adds up to a happier experience.
Wear Shades
No, I’m not joking. This tip was inspired by the shock and horror I experienced in a Gap dressing room (damn you fluorescent lighting!) It’s a memory that scares the crap out of me to this day. Trust me, nobody really looks like that! Hideous lighting can create shadows where there aren’t any and even the illusion of dimples (shudder). I have yet to figure out why so many stores subject us to this. Do yourself a favor and wear your shades. It may sound like I’m advocating denial, but honestly it will give you a more realistic picture of what you look like in a suit. And hey, what’s wrong with seeing your ass through rose colored lenses?
Seek Out Woman-Friendly Retailers
Many of my friends swear by Malia Mills swimwear. She’s legendary for cutting her suits to fit all sizes and shapes. Her tops and bottoms are sold separately which is, frankly, the only way to score a bikini that will cover and support your girls AND flatter your behind. To that end, J.Crew, who pioneered the idea of separates, has an amazing selection (note: beware of the dressing rooms). Personally, I gravitate toward lingerie-inspired bathing suits. The prettiest ones I’ve seen are from Agent Provocateur. Though they’re not easy on the wallet, I’m willing to spend a chunk on a bathing suit that I look unbelievable in, and then ride it till the wheels fall off.
Stay Home
If you can’t even bear to set foot in a store, let yourself off the hook and shop online. Just be sure to over-order to give yourself plenty of options. Sip a glass of your favorite wine and have a little fashion show, all in the privacy of your own home. Then simply return the ones that don’t work. Since so many online retailers now have a postage-paid return policy, it won’t cost you a thing.
Shop!
Malia Mills: www.maliamills.com
Agent Provocateur: www.agentprovocateur.com (Swimwear not available online)
J. Crew: www.jcrew.com