Buying Your First House
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Like most New Yorkers, Michelle Howry lived in an apartment that she had been renting for years. But in the fall of 2003, Howry, who shared a place with her sister, finally had her fill of the landlord/tenant relationship. “Our electricity had gone out and our landlord was horrible to deal with,” says Howry, a book editor who, a year before had toyed with the idea of buying real estate. ” The whole experience made me feel really energized to start looking for a place of my own.”
Within a year, Howry had closed on a one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. And she didn’t let the fact that she was single stop her from taking such a big step. “I felt like if I didn’t have the worry and uncertainty of where I was going to live hanging over me, I could concentrate on the rest of my life,” she says. And though she was secure in her decision, some women weren’t so confident. “One woman told me that she hadn’t bought real estate because she was afraid that if she did, she’d never get married,”
Sadly, this is still true for many women. While single women are rapidly snapping up real estate-22% of homebuyers last year were single women, compared with just 14% in 1995, according to the National Association of Realtors-society still makes us feel like a mortgage and a man are mutually exclusive. “When I bought my first house, my mother was supportive, but she told me not to buy nice furniture, because this wasn’t the house I was going to live in with my husband,” recalls Maria Eftimiades of New York. Christine Zender, a homeowner in San Francisco, found herself defending her decision to her married girlfriends, many of whom thought buying a home would scare a man off. “If anything, it makes me stronger because I’m financially solvent enough to own something. Men actually think it’s pretty cool,” she says. “And they’re in awe that I did a lot of the remodeling myself.”
Then there’s the semi-serious relationship dilemma: you are dating someone, and though it’s not serious enough to live together now, you may want to in the future. Do you buy a home on your own with the hope that someday you’ll live there together? Or do you continue to rent until the relationship is more clearly defined? Marisa Smith, 29, of New Haven, CT, lived with her parents until her boyfriend proposed to her last year because she felt like it didn’t make sense to buy a place on her own. She wanted to save her money to put toward property they would buy together. But Michelle Goodman, of Seattle did the opposite. Her boyfriend owns a home, and though she wasn’t ready to live with him, she was tired of renting. So three years ago, she bought a house by herself. “My boyfriend was very supportive and kept telling me how excited I’d be when I mowed the lawn for the first time,” recalls Goodman. Though she knew she was making the right choice, she still felt pangs of sadness while doing so. “I had always imagined buying a home with a husband or partner,” she says. “It really hit me like a wall.” Today, the couple still lives apart, which suits them both just fine.
If you can’t afford to buy a home, that’s as good reason as any to wait. But don’t let singledom condemn you to a life of renting. The reality is that once you feel secure in your home, you’ll be in the right place to find someone to share it with. And if that person is uncomfortable with your real estate portfolio, they’re probably not the right person for you anyway. Maureen Healy of Portland, Ore. had talked about buying a home with a guy she dated on and off for five years. It never happened and when they broke up, she decided to forge ahead anyway. “I want to get married and have a family,” says Healy, who just purchased her first condo. “If and when I do, I’ll keep this property as a rental, or sell it to help us buy a better home as a couple.” She’s right. Unless the property sits on quicksand, owning real estate is almost never a bad investment. So go ahead and buy the house. The rest will take care of itself.