Distraught e-Dater

[WORKS_Steph]

Dear Nicole,

I dabble in online dating, and recently I came across a profile of a very striking older man. I figured I’d send him a “wink” and see what happened. Well, after three weeks of engaging in passionate online discussion, he suggested we meet in person. The only problem was, the man who showed up at the bar around the corner from my office was not the same man from the photo… It was my boss’s husband! I knew it was him because my boss has his photo on her desk. Anyway, I didn’t confront him because I was really looking forward to a night out on the town. We had a few drinks and made casual conversation and it didn’t amount to anything. Now the question is, do I tell my boss her husband is a cheating cradle robber? What if someone saw us together? What should I do?

Sincerely,

Distraught e-Dater,
Toronto, ON

What do you think she should do?

[prettyvirgo]

If I were you I would not have anymore dealings with him I am pretty sure your boss knows he is up to no good dont shoot yourself in the foot and loose your job the economy sucks right now

[glamshay]

Don't say anything to your boss. It will most likely backfire on you. She may take her husband's side and get angry with/ fire you.

[puppylove]

Don't tell your boss. I believe that women's intuition tells a woman when her man is cheating and that many won't acknowledge it for various reasons, including that it is too heartbreaking. By telling your boss, you may cause her extreme embarrassment and humiliation. Also, she might not believe you. You already rid yourself of him-- now let it go.

I have learned (including the hard way) that it is best to stay out of your boss' personal matters as much as possible.

[Agent Holly]

Okay call me a cynic but did you just say you knew it was your boss's husband and yet you stayed and hung out with him anyway???

I'm sorry but that was very inappropriate.

The very second you noticed who he was you should have left the scene. No excuses about "but I was looking out for a night on the town."

Give me a break, you could have called up a girlfriend or done something else and held on to your morals. Trust me when I say KARMA will come back around. I've learned that very well, and you certainly wouldn't want someday to be married and have your husband do the same thing to you that he did to his wife. It doesn't matter if you engaged in any sexual contact or not, what you did, and what he did, was wrong. Period.

Don't tell your boss that you did what you did you are the one who will look bad and most likely lose your job. You have no right trying to 'out' what her husband did because you fed into his fantasy for a few hours and you are no longer Miss Innocent.

It's one thing if you hang with a married man and you don't know he is married but you said yourself you knew from the beginning, so shame on you!

He is an idiot of course, but you don't have control over him, you have control over yourself.

Make wise choices in the future.

[NicoleWilliams]

I'm not knocking online dating, but it's pretty well known that what you see isn't always what you get. Your first instinct when someone different showed up-- whether your boss's husband or not--should have been red flag. The fact that it was in fact your boss's husband is just plain piss poor luck, and I still can't quite figure out why you felt inclined to stay. Let me ask you this. How desperate are you? The question here isn't whether you should tell anyone-- because you obviously shouldn't-- the question is about why you feel you are worth someone's time who has manipulated and deceived you.

You've got bigger fish to fry here Distraught e-Dater. Pick up a copy of my book Girl On Top due out in bookstores in October and you'll catch my drift.

-nlw

[Bluemeave]

Oh Sad, I am so sorry. I know what it is like to sit and type with tears running down your face. I adored my H as well---and was so proud of our years together and the life we had. We have been married almost 30 years
It must be even more horrible to have young children at home...

What makes you think he is cheating if I may ask?
SIS