28 Sep 2007 › 11:00 am pm
I don’t know what exactly set it off. Maybe it was when Ali brought up her new Chanel shoe-boots for me to admire. Or maybe it was 20 minutes later when she called to tell me she’d gotten another raise. Or maybe it was at the end of the day when she announced that she’d booked a quickie trip to Bermuda for Jule and herself to celebrate. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment. All I know for sure is that by the time I got back to my apartment I was up to my neck in the nastiest, blackest, most stomach churning case of the hot envies that I’ve had since first grade, when that little bitch Darlene came back from winter break with mother-of-pearl barrettes (I still think about them occasionally).
It was terrible! I mean, I love Ali so much. So on top of everything else I was totally disappointed in my own character. Anyway, I just didn’t have it in me to rise above. So I decided to let myself have a total date night with jealousy and just let it run its course. As you can probably guess, the first ingredient I procured was a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. Then I went to the corner and rented The Princess Bride and Pretty in Pink. Soon as I got back to the apartment, I changed into jammies, lowered the lights and commenced wallowing. There is something about watching that montage where Molly Ringwald makes herself a bitchin’ prom dress that helps me process feelings. Or maybe it was letting myself eat the ice cream before dinner. Who the fuck cares? All that really matters is that I was over it by morning. What a friggin relief. I swear to God, jealousy feels worse than a broken heart.
