27 Dec 2007 ›  1:45pm

Whenever I visit my family in the good ole’ Mid West, the townspeople delight in making fun of what they consider to be my ridiculous outfits. Even when I think I’m dressing down, they can’t deal. As is the custom in small towns nationwide, they express their feelings by yelling them at me as I pass. What makes it all the weirder is that they don’t even have the discretion to do so from a moving car! They feel free to do it in person as they walk by me in the mall/movie theatre/ grocery store, etc. Example: jeans tucked into boots (HEY! Nice Hip-Waders!), a billowy, tunic-y top (HEY! When Ya Due?), my shrunken leather jacket (HEY! I Love The Eighties!)

If only they knew that I have been secretly photographing their curled bangs with my camera phone. If I collect twelve I swear to God I’m making a friggin’ calendar!

A YEAR OF BURGER BANGS… Imagine!