25 Sep 2007 ›  2:15 pm

Most of the office was in staff meetings all day, which is how perfect Caroline and I ended up having lunch together. I continue to find her fascinating in the same way that I find serial killers or magicians fascinating. Which is to say – I wonder what makes her tick but wouldn’t want her in my apartment. I don’t know how it began, but she spent the entire hour schooling me on the benefits of having pledged a sorority in college. As you can imagine, I was filled with sorrow and regret for not having done it myself (just kidding, relax). But it did explain a lot about her. Sororities may be the only demographic to have successfully merged sloppy-drunken-woo-hooing (Paaaartaaaaay!) with type-A-ambition and flawless-follow-through. All this time I’ve been unable to reconcile Caroline’s perfect office persona with the “Party As A Verb,” lifestyle displayed on her My Space profile. But now I get it. Another thrilling office mystery solved!

I will admit that she opened my eyes to some of the lesser known perks. According to Caroline, joining a sorority gives you an instant, built in network of lovely ladies across the country. Who, regardless of how they may actually feel about you (hiss hiss, claw claw), are pretty much bound to come to your aid should you need… say, an interview with a top company, approval from a co-op board, or upgraded to the short list at the office of Dr. 90210. So no matter what her heart desires, Caroline has the security of being a lifetime member of an aerobicized, highlighted and frequently blotto Sorority Mafia.