08 Nov 2007 › 1:15 p.m.
Ever notice how the universe tends to cruelly balance out a good thing with a bad thing? Sometimes in big ways—like how the lives of lottery winners always end in trailer-tragedy. And sometimes in little ways—like how everyone lost 10 pounds overnight on Atkins, only to gain atrociously bad breath (think corpse with a side of turd).
No you say? Well, damn it, I noticed.
Remember how Ali got a huge raise recently? Perhaps you’ll recall that I reacted to the news like a complete and utter ass (albeit internally)? Anyway, it turns out that it’s been causing all kinds of gnarly problems for Ali at home. Jule feels totally emasculated because Ali’s been paying for everything. And Ali’s been paying everything because she’s making lots of money and wants to do more expensive things. Consequently, he’s been engaging in all manner of early-man activities, mostly tit-bar related. He’s been out with his “boys” all hours and acting defensive and cocky about it when questioned. It’s a messy mess.
So, one point for poverty at last! Bringing the scorecard to:
Poverty 1
Wealth 9,000,000,000,000,000.00
Possible marketing campaign:
Poverty: Keeping men feeling manly since for-fucking-ever.
Anyway, Ali and I talked about taking a trip down to Kiki’s so she could get a hot little getup and give him a private table dance that would get his ass in line ASAP. But then we realized—men could really give a crap about quality. In fact left to their own devices they tend to choose really tacky lingerie, (i.e. itchy, synthetic, red…) so we went to Pleasure Palace and got the cheesiest French maid getup you’ve ever seen. I predict he’ll be reformed by morning. Stay tuned.
