Naomi Wardrobe Stakeout #3
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28 Nov 2007 ›
9:05am
Welcome to my third official installment of Naomi Wardrobe Stakeout. I know it’s been awhile, and for that I apologize.
Let’s take it from the TOP:
You may remember that a few months back I took advantage of Naomi’s fragile mental condition and talked her into letting me give her eyebrows a makeover. It was unbelievably satisfying, and she looked like a normal person for exactly eight hours. Of course, Naomi went back to doing them herself the next day and they quickly resumed their uniquely crazy design. I’ve tried to describe them many times, never quite doing them justice. From a distance they’re just your standard pair of chubby larva. But as one moves closer they remind one of the scribblings drawn on one’s face with Sharpie as one lay unconscious and drooling after (let’s just say) passing out top of the coat pile at a high-school house party. The thing that gets me most about Naomi’s eyebrows is that they clearly take a lot of work. I wonder how she knows when they’re done. I mean, at what point does she look into the mirror and say, “Voila, perfection!” before skipping off to work? I will admit her confidence (however misguided) is enviable.
And now to the TOES:
One word… Crocks. Please explain how festively colored, rubber gardening clogs made the jump to everyday casual footwear? Crocks are the Uggs of ’07. The only difference is that that Crocks have been embraced by baby boomers rather than spray tan addicts and mini-skirted Japanese chicks. I thought for sure they were a summer only phenomenon but not for Naomi. Bless her heart. I guess she waited so she could rock them with socks.
I’ll spare you the middle. The horror bookends that are her eyebrows and shoes are painful enough. You’re welcome.