Let’s Learn a Lesson
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03 Aug 2007 ›
3:10pm
Today was Jasper’s first day interning. And yes, for those of you paying attention, today is a Friday – not exactly a popular start date. A series of inventive “ailments” kept her otherwise engaged for the first four days of the week. You can bet your ass I’ll be chanting it up in Zen Spin that her attendance remains this infrequent all summer. Thank God it was only a half day (for her at least), I needed a training wheels run. To be honest, I really can’t complain because we (okay, I) spent the day watching lawsuit prevention videos from human resources instead of working. I’m sure Claire had no clue that she was dragging Jasper in tooth and nail, for what really amounted to movie day.
The weasely H. R. guy set us up in one of the nicer corporate meeting rooms, handed me a stack of videos and left us in privacy. Jasper promptly curled up on a love seat and went to sleep. She didn’t even pretend to play the game. So that’s how it’s gonna be…
I have to say, the videos were genius. Yep that’s right. I watched ‘em, every last one. Classics like – Don’t Touch Your Coworker, Don’t Be a Racist, Double Check for B.O. BEFORE Coming to Work… Apparently, the company thinks grown people need to re-learn everything they were taught in junior high health class. Hmmm… I couldn’t agree more! But I can’t help wondering, what is the company’s liability if one employee does subject others to pit stench? Must explore.
After watching the videos, I resisted drawing a Sharpie mustache on Jasper’s face and instead called Ali at her desk. We shit talked until the clock ran out. Until it was time to wake up Jasper so she wouldn’t be late to the Hamptons. I can say with no exaggeration that today was a complete f’ off. So in a single day, Jasper done brought me down.