28 Apr 2008 ›  4:50pm

Yep—Kelly was right all along (how could I ever have doubted him?) about there being a nut in every office. She revealed herself to me this afternoon after the strat meeting. Let’s just call her Petunia. Don’t sass me! I pick the pseudonyms around here—and I say Petunia it shall be!
Well anyway, it’s no wonder that I couldn’t sniff her out. Her ingenious disguise is her complete and total ordinariness. She has an overwhelmingly beigey disposition (and look) which successfully threw me off her crazy trail until now. Let that be a lesson to all aspiring sociopaths—speak softly and wear lots of oatmeal colored sweaters. In the matter of an hour I learned that:

a. At age 45 she still lives with her mother.
b. She forgot to take her pill today.
c. She has recurring dreams about how bologna is made.
d. She’s trying to get security to install a camera in the supply closet to get to the bottom of “whatever’s going on with the stapler refills.”

I’m just going to stop there.

Anyway, I called Kelly and said, “found ‘er,” and hung up. He was in front of my desk in less than five laughing his ass off. He says I’m not going to believe the emails she sends the help desk. I can’t wait!