22 Apr 2008 › 11:45am
Have you ever had an intensely paranoid dream that your boyfriend was cheating on you, or your best friend was talking behind your back—and you either overhear her, or walked in on him/them, and the whole thing spiraled downward and eventually the filmstrip of devastation ended but the dreamstate lingered on and on, because you couldn’t will the dream into editing in a revenge scene, and you couldn’t wake up, so you just had to let the waves of pitch-black-moaning-nothingness wash over you until your alarm finally went off? Really? Did your version have a score by Bjork?
Well I’d love to hear how you handled it—because I handled it like a crabby toddler at a five star restaurant. It started badly, got awful bad in the middle, and ended baaaaadly. Here’s a rundown of my adorable behavior.
1. I woke up angry and suspicious after my sucky dream. Yes dream. Not anything that may have happened in–say–real life. (oh newsflash – I had the cheating boyfriend dream, not the smack talking girlfriend dream—yes I know, you’re shocked).
2. Called up Bloke and started baiting him with suspicious comments until I drove him batshit.
3. Fell into shame spiral because I could not believe I was acting like such a nut.
4. Called him back pretending to be sane and repaired the damage. But make no mistake, the residual shiza is piling up all around us due to this, and similar debacles. It’s getting old for both of us. So even if he is a big cheater, and turns out to be totally in love with his Amazon tour manager—this is not worth flushing my dignity over repeatedly.
