05 May 2008 › 10:12am
Went to see Bloke this weekend and although we did have a fabulous shagathon, the rest of the trip was tepid at best. All this bickering has created an awful energy between us and I’ll just let you guess who doesn’t have the power in the relationship anymore. Yes, the fact that I have repeatedly gotten pathetic coupled with my awareness of recent pathetic-ness kept whirling around in my brain, making me less secure than ever. It was not festive. Even when we were having sweet, basking in the afterglow moments it was there— the 400 pound gorilla. It’s one part jealousy… one part absence… and one part her—the Amazon princess of tour management. I didn’t even see her this trip, as she was taking the weekend off (probably to shoot the cover of Maxim or visit her identical twin sister Angelina). But it didn’t matter that she wasn’t around. She’s not really the problem now is she? The problem is my thinking. If only knowing it were enough to change it…
Anyway the visit went smoothly—no catastrophic events. But it was bitter-sweet, as if I were already mourning something. Hopefully this is just a phase that we won’t even remember a year from now.
