12 Nov 2007 ›  10:01 a.m.

Oh June, June June… June of the Feng Shui, June of the facial remodeling, June of the epic divorce…. Man, I love me some June!

June is an endless source of amusement. The ways in which she tortures Ali are many. One of the things that always manages to get under Ali’s skin is June’s inability to actually laugh (the fact that she’s up to her tatas in Botox probably doesn’t help). Instead, when June thinks something is funny, she just says (flatly), “That’s funny.”
Now in reality, whenever anyone says, “That’s funny,” it means that it most decidedly is not funny. But in June’s case I can’t be sure. Zombie Queen is on autopilot and who the hell knows what she’s thinking, maybe deep inside she’s cracking the f’ up.

Sample convo:
Ali: June, check out this Onion article about freeing the American Apparel models.
June: (reading the headline over Ali’s shoulder) funny.
Ali: (to self) so help me God, woman, I will kill you with my bare hands.

Ali and I were trying to imagine this character trait translating into other situations.

A mugger jumps out from behind a tree and puts a gun to June’s head.
June: (flatly) scary.

June’s 22-year-old personal trainer volunteers to be her sex-slave for the weekend.
June: (apathetically) hot.

June learns that all of her coworkers have been spying on her J-date account.*
June: (emotionlessly), humiliating

We’ve literally brought each other to tears laughing about how June must sound in bed
June: (coldly) yes…yes… yes.

*In case you were wondering—yes, super-duper true.