Your Weekly Work Horoscope

We scoured the web and found the best astrologer out there – Bridgett Walther. Every time we read her horoscopes we get chills – she nails it on the head and makes us feel good, to boot. See below for your weekly work pick-me-up and for more of the good stuff visit her at Bridgett Walther.

Aries

For the week of Apr 14th - Apr 20th: Everyone has a different rumor source and is convinced that his/her rumor, belief system, or gossip is the one true Apolstolic faith. Oh, please. If and WHEN you hear this narrowminded that has no place at work, move to a different floor, corridor, or make an appointment with your HR expert and say that some of the “If you don’t believe what we do, you’re a witch!” And see if something can be done. Numerous times when you’ve been on the phone with a very key client, definitely NOT supportive of religious repression or “my way or the highway”, the religo-mania could be heard by your client, who hasn’t returned your calls since. That statement will make this a true office problem that will be dealt with honestly and fairly. So whether you’re a Tim Tebow fan or an agnostic, it’s nobody’s business but yours. Be true to your beliefs, but don’t force then on others or lose their best clients for them. And by the way, that stunt that the religo-maniac pulled might earn earn him a hefty fine, a demotion, or if he continues to rattle people when they’re trying to work, he’ll get fired. This isn’t a game and using religion as a weapon (Sadam Hussain) is unacceptable. You manage to sweet-talk your client back to you, but make damn sure that the pest isn’t anywhere near your client. Escort him to your office and back to his car. Weekly touchstones: Red Coral, Black Tahitian Pearl.

Career Meter: 8

Need more Advice? Read: How to Lead a Project

Taurus

For the week of Apr 14th - Apr 20th: You have been given the keys to the kingdom, and know secrets that only insiders are aware of. You are one of those “insiders.” Keep this very quiet – unspeakably quiet, particularly if government is involved in any way. Money will also  be involved. Loose lips sink ships and all of that. You’re one of the lucky ones this week. You need to be aware of a couple things during the next three three years: your kidneys, bladder, persistent sometimes very painful headaches and blood pressure abnormalities. If you have a kidney or bladder infection take care of it, and wear a lavalier indicating what drugs you’re on and what you’re allergic to for your own safety. Sometimes, you hurt so much you can’t even speak. And before I forget: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAURUS!! On April 19th at 11:56 pm EDT!! Weekly touchstones: Cyanitrichite, Cracked White Quartz Crystal.

Career Meter: 9

Need more Advice? Read: Stay Cool Under Pressure

Gemini

For the week of Apr 14th - Apr 20th: Your personality is the perfect blend of great looks, a perfect smile, experience in the business, and the fact that one of your closest pals is the boss’s wives. Since, as a rule you know that “the boss” doesn’t socialize with board members sub-honchos at work, you’re safe. You’re treated with great respect. (Someone has the manners to pull your chair out for you – woot!) and after the Big Boss and all the sub bosses have read your resume, Big Boss says, “I believe we have a winner here.” He shakes your hand and say welcome aboard. You’re exactly what we’ve needed to keep our wives involved in party planning and special events. I’ve seen your work. You ARE the BEST. Then BANG! Every sub boss offers you his hand to shake. Start from your right. And on this day, don’t over do jewelry. With that many hadshakes, you can withdraw your hand and have one or two bands missing. Other that that, the is the week of the Full Moon and total Lunar Eclipse beginning at 2:42 an EDT on Tuesday. Full Moons are superb for getting a job, getting hired. This week is also great for getting some sort of touch up. Let’s say you did have cosmetic surgery, but believe that something isn’t symmetrical or perfect. You go back, get right in and after numbing the area, fix it. There will be a small bruise, but that can be concealed. You also enjoy the idea of being a party or dinner organizer for a group of big shots that can’t figure out how to run a dishwasher. Men. They pretend to be dumb so you’ll do it. And Ladies, listen up: WE ARE DUMB FOR DOING IT! Show Mr. Dopey where the dish washer is, what can and cannot be put in it (NO BONE CHINA EVER). This is a crash course in housekeeping. They’ll still weasel out by saying, “How you know it’s bone china? What kind of bone? Etc, etc.” All you have to do is turn the exquisite plate over and point to the brand and the words “Bone China.” Finish your instructions off with, “If you break it, you have to pay for it.” When he says, “Oh, big deal. How much?” And quote to him what the most exclusive bone china group in town is charging for this particular brand of bone china. That could bring on his first heart attack, just so you know. Weekly touchstones: Bronzite, Chocolate Diamond.

Career Meter: 10

Need more Advice? Read: Quiz: How Well Mannered Are You?

Cancer

For the week of Apr 14th - Apr 20th: You’re really good at running a tight ship today, and are leadership in action. You don’t ask any of your employees to something you wouldn’t do yourself. That gets everyone’s attention and respect. Others listen to people who have worked their way up into the lofty clouds of top salesperson and eventually highest producer in your field. Your boss is modest, never shows off and rarely smiles, until his grandchildren visit. You love your wife and daughter, but no one makes you happier your three beautiful granddaughters. When all the adults refused or issued a hardcore “NO!” You grandchildren knew that matter what a tough competitor and hard core worker he was, he would always say, “Love and respect your parents and grandmother, but when you really want something and everyone says no, come to me. I will find exactly what you want.” And he did. He worked miracles at work, was the Number 1 producer in the country year after year, but never wanted to discuss work with us, until one of us asked him, “Papa, can we see where you work?” He said, “You mean the closest office?” and all three of us said with excitement in our eyes, “YES, PAPA!” I was so young it’s hard to remember much, but I do remember wearing the best dress I had, as did my younger sisters, Mary and Katie. When we arrived at the NCR building in Grand Rapids, Michigan in the late 50’s, all holding hands, we saw a roomful of male secretaries. I didn’t count the desks because my mother said, “Don’t stare. Just follow Papa and hold hands.” My grandfather’s office walls were covered with awards, him shaking hands with government bigwigs that I knew nothing about and was extremely quiet. Before any secretary would approach his office, he would quietly knock the door and say, “Mr. Cook, it’s Harris with the numbers.” We were told to sit still and say nothing – and we did! My grandfather had an 8th grade education and became a millionaire before 1929. Despite the crisis, he never stopped. Despite a series of strokes, he continued…until he couldn’t. A true American self-made man who not only supported his family but his sister and other relatives from the Netherlands. So we learned to never say, “I can’t.” We never expected someone else to clean the house, do the driving, shovel the snow, do the dishes, walk the dog, pack or unpack our bags, or make our beds. We learned by watching our beloved Papa who will always be a tender memory in our hearts to NEVER give up.  Weekly Touchstones: Alexandrite, Lapis Lazuli.

Career Meter: 10

Need more Advice? Read: Being Promoted to Manager

Leo

For the week of Apr 14th - Apr 20th: You know how to speak succinctly, directly and with the emphasis on the words so essential to the or case left behind You earn big points at home and at work because   you solve a mystery that others couldn’t. You also prove a way that all employees can gave great healthcare, but leave life insurance to the employee. You come up with something that is group coverage and covers everything except for certain highly unusual and controversial ailments that there are vaccines for. You don’t just do your job this week. You do EVERYTHING.That automatically surrounds with men. Uh oh – “It’s rainin’ men, Halelujah, it’s rainin’ men!” Weekly touchstones:Colorless, well-formed Crystale Paracelsian, Feldspar.

Career Meter: 10

Need more Advice? Read: Manage Your Multi-tasking Habit

Virgo

For the week of Apr 14th - Apr 20th: You are so ready to move forward in a different direction(Quote from the amazing Patty Griffin). Enough of the waiting for people to grow a heart, brain, and soul. You’ve waited for what is due you how many years? It’s time to go. They will use an attorney friend who’s either pro bono or on the take. You need to distance every part of your body, heart, and soul away from the toxins that are your family. You’ll be surprised by how well you feel. No more sense if of being a soccer ball being kicked from every direction. That’s where you’ll be safe and comfortable and where you and a partner (Capricorn!) and start changing the world for the better happy heart and smile at a time. Weekly touchstones: Snowflake Obsidian, Mica.

Career Meter: 9

Need more Advice? Read:Fast Track to Success

Libra

For the week of Apr 14th - Apr 20th: Hard work, should you separate, is inevitable. He may marry again, pay what the court orders him to and by then, you’ll have training and should have some sort of job. Because you resist work, being away from the kids, and would constantly be asked to turn your cell phone off, you’d have difficulty with company culture, too. A huge Lunar Eclipse/Full Moon will have reverberations and consequences for about six months after Tuesday’s event. Are you truly up to rushing to work (lateness won’t be tolerated) do whatever you’re told to do and then find the courage and find a smile when you return to your kids. Think, think, think. Not everyone is cut out for long hours, long commutes, and this sort of work. Personally, I hope you two can make it work. Weekly touchstones: Chrysanthemum Stone, Pink Turquoise.

Career Meter: 7

Need more Advice? Read: How to Get Respect at Work

Scorpio

For the week of Apr 14th - Apr 20th: I am doing everything possible to pass the baton onto my brilliant and honest partner who will take my place when the time comes. I will step in if he needs assistance, but a man that smart and a man who's studied cases with me eye to eye cab easily fill my shoes. I feel that I've done the best I could for my family and now it's THEIR turn. Let's go wherever they want to go. Let's help them make their dreams come true. I am finally ready to leave our lovely homestead and move into a more walkable part of the city, close to downtown, the water, you name it. Maybe we'll get a boat and we can sail  or roar past others. This family time and I treasure it.

Career Meter: 10

Need more Advice? Read: Inside the Minds of Men

Sagittarius

For the week of Apr 14th - Apr 20th: Well, here we go again, another week of doing the work of 2.5 people – ain’t we got fun! I will meet deadlines, depending on your time zone, but I owe it to you to do good work – however long it takes. And I owe it to myself to take a break once in a blazing blue Moon. So just like tomorrow’s work won’t start showing up until midnight, you might see the same syndrome next week unless I just double up every day. I read a quote that calms me down and I think it holds true for all or us with Native American roots: The Ultimate wisdom cannot be expressed, It can only be known. So I hope that what I’ve written for you has opened that heart and crown chakra and helped you explore your inner self…. It’s all in us if we’re willing to open that door. Weekly touchstones: Red and Green Wagnerite, Apatite

Career Meter: 9

Need more Advice? Read:Be a Better Negotiator

Capricorn

For the week of Apr 14th - Apr 20th: You’re not distracted by the marriage stuff you’re in the process of settling. You already know exactly how it will turn out and you’re fine, either way. You have women asking you to have a drink with them nearly every day, so you’re not nearly as tense or guilty as your wife. And because she’s become just another notch on his bedpost (there have been at least three since your wife) he’d destroy his reputation, too. Boy, if that isn’t instant karma and some sort of sex addiction, I don’t know what to call him. I think “weenie wagger” is about the size of it. Weekly touchstones: Opalescent Druzy Quartz, Black Spinel

Career Meter: 10

Need more Advice? Read: Relocating Tips

Aquarius

For the week of Apr 14th - Apr 20th: The next six months will be hugely successful based on some of the decisions made on or around April 15th.You may go a whole new way when it comes to promoting this product, book, or project. This “whole new way” will be copied by your competitors, but they don’t have the subject, writers, or drive that you do, so don’t worry about them copying you. View it as a compliment. And know that your writers will blow everyone out of the water when the book is available. Weekly Touchstones: Aquamarine, Blue Chalcedony.

Career Meter: 10

Need more Advice? Read: Conquer Your Public Speaking Fears

Pisces

For the week of Apr 14th - Apr 20th:  Family takes a big priority over work this week. Oh, you’ll work. You’re so filled with ideas that you can’t type them fast enough. You’ve imagine yourself being an octopus putting out a eight books ever week. You’d be a hell of a producer bu not the dating type. That’s okay, You’d have enough money to buy dates, if you wanted to. Mostly though, you enjoy the company of family, friends, and fellow octopi - and think of all the undiscovered fish you’d see – ones that allegedly were extinct! Anticipate a tremendously rewarding week! Weekly touchstones: Red Coral, Black Chatoyant Tahitian Pearls.

Career Meter: 10

Need more Advice? Read: How to Make Your Boss Love You